This is amazing

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 After this weeks firing of the unkempt shock-jock, Don Imus, former goat Michael Richards shot him a call and we here at B.O.D.S. found the transcripts, ENJOY!!!!

MR: Hey Buddy…

DI: Hey there, Michael…..

MR: Sorry to hear about the firing….complete B.S…..

DI: Yeah…I messed up.  It all blew up really quick….

MR: I hate ni**ers.

DI:  Uh…….ook…..Ya know, Sharpto-

MR: How does he get his hair like that, ya know, being a ni**er and all??  Man, they got weird hair….and the lips!!! They are soo big!!!

DI: Umm…..yeah…..he was a really nice-

MR: Ni**er?

DI: Ah……I was going to say man…but….

MR: I think it’s funny that they hate the cold, I thought about moving to Alaska ya know….

DI: Michael, I don’t know how to say this but-

MR: You hate ni**ers?

DI: Hmm….no, I was going to say-

MR: Porch M*nkey….Coon…?

DI: No, I was going to ask you about your sensitivity training….

MR: Oh….what a trip that was!!   The bizarre thing was that the black people were talking about equality!!! WITH WHITES!!!! (laughs loudly)

DI: Right….well…Michael I got-

MR: Ni**er.

DI: some stuff to-

MR: Ni**er.

DI: do, so I have to let-

MR: Ni**er

DI: you go..(hangs up)

This is what children these days are viewing. 

And afterwards, they go to their room and log on to www.sanjayafans.com.  Where is Charles, and why isn’t he in charge anymore?

Cool Vids:

Avery hits junk> 

The inception of the Roman Empire

This is what happens when I don’t get paid

DEEEEEEETTTTTAAAAIIIIIILLLLLSSS

And I understand that in between NASCAR races, there’s nothing more exciting than dressing up like a child on halloween and going to watch criminals with an IQ equal to yours bang there heads together for a couple hours.  However; baseball is a game of intelligence, class, and most importantly, drugs.  Lots of drugs.  These guys are so doped up these days, I am surprised we haven’t seen a bat splintered from that ‘roid grip.  Go get em’, Barry.

I know damn well you’re curious about my fantasy squad.   Here it is sucka:

Batters: 

Victor Martinez – C

Todd Helton – 1B

Robinson Cano – 2B

Derek Jeter – SS

Ryan Zimmerman – 3B

Alfonso Soriano – CF

Nick Markakis – OF

Bobby Abreu – OF

Julio Lugo – 2B, SS

Travis Hafner – DH

Jason Giambi – 1B

Corey Patterson – OF

Adrian Beltre’ – 3B

Pitchers:

Tom Glavine

Jeremy Bonderman

John Garland

Chuck James

Bronson Arroyo

Rich Harden

Jake Peavy

Billy Wagner (RP)

Jason Isringhausen (RP)

Derrick Turnbow (RP)

Sick right?  For my first draft, I am relatively happy.  My pitching staff is pretty weak, and my closer situation is downright atrocious (aside from Wagner), but my everyday line-up is real impressive.  As the Bronx Bombers go, I go.  And I am ok with that.

2007 MLB Predictions:

AL East:   Yankees – Unfortunately, in baseball, money talks.  With a 195 million dollar payroll, these sluggers will take the East.  Pitching is on the soft side (Pavano #1), but look for the Bronx to breathe new life into the little Jew that could (Petite).  Boston just doesn’t have the juice this year (despite the acquistion of a cute lil’ Asian and his gyroball….;), although you never know what’s happening on planet Man-Ram…..grill anyone?

Al Central:  Tigers – You cannot beat this staff.  When your #2 starter goes down, and it brings fans to nothing more than a couple of “Eh’s,” you have some fucking arms.  Young stud’s like Granderson, Verlander, and Zumaya are going to drop trow and take a dump on anyone claiming sophomore slump.  With playoff experience, the best young prospects in baseball, and the addition of a future Hall-of-Famer, they will prevail inthe toughest division in the MLB.

Al West:  Angels – The West is always a bizarre division.  For reasons completely unexplained and unwarranted, I hate the Seattle Mariners.  If this great country we live in continues to go to war with people, I hope we bomb Seattle so I never have to see the Mariners play again.  Anywhoo…the Angels will win the division, but for them it will be similar to making out with your sister…..I mean yeah, she’s got a nice rack and all….but c’mon guys, it’s the AL West.  (Sidenote: John Lackey is a future Cy Younger)

Wildcard = Cleveland Indians.  ( I have a Roz-J.T. style man-crush on Travis Hafner)

NL East: Mets – Reyes may be the most exciting athlete on the planet.  This guy hits home runs when he doesn’t even want to.  Years of ghetto training have made him faster than lightning, and he’s got a glove too.  Watching guys like Reyes makes me feel old when I think back to ol’ whiteboy Cal being the shortstop of my childhood.  The Mets have a decent staff led by the ageless wonder, Tommy G., and potentially the best line-up in baseball.

NL Central: Cardinals – This division sucks balls.  The Brewers and the Reds are a couple good players away from contending, and for the Astros to propel to the top they would need….I don’t know…..a Rocket possibly?  Carpenter is as close as it gets to a sure thing, and they are strong up the middle (love that cliche’), as long as Jim “I like to run into walls” Edmonds stays healthy.  Poo-holes is the best pure hitter in the game with power to boot.  They ride him like a $2 hooker on a coke binge all the way to a first round playoff loss.

NL West:  Dodgers – “Hey what’s Nomar spelled backwards….Ramon.   That’s his father’s name for our audience….”     I have a question for you, Mr. Broadcaster, what toggaf spelled backwards?  FAGGOT you motherfucker, and that’s what you are for telling me that useless trivia ever time I see that Big Nosed Cock-lover take the field.  Not the most exciting team in the world, but the Juan Pierre acquisition added much needed speed.  Solid rotation with Lil’ Penny throwing darts.

Wildcard = Philadelphia Phillies (Loads of young talent, and the best 2B-SS combo in the bigs)

World Series: Tigers over Mets

7 game series; ending on a no-hitter by Wilfredo Ledezma after Robertson is hurt in a freak accident doing something real nerdy.

I will be writing about baseball far too much from now on due to this lil’ stretch of boring my life has hit for the past…..ehh, bout two years.  So unless my company’s audit schedule or the intricacies of my King of Queens viewing interest you, deal with it.

GO TIGS!!!

Go Hoyas!!!!

Other that severe lonliness, obsessive masturbation, and compromised hygiene, I really don’t see any downside to being single at all.  (That was not supposed to be sarcastic).  I cleared myself of the ol’ ball and chain about a month ago, and I must say, goddamn is life good.  I have more money,  more weed, and most importantly, time for…da da da duuuuuh..FANTASY BASEBALL.  Admist concerns expressed over the weekend from the good folks over at Usual Place of Abode, (though opinions offered after 15 hours of drinking are taken with a grain of salt to say the least) I am diving headfirst into this new and exciting way to waste my time, my employers time, and my money. 

St. Patty’s day is a oft-forgotten gem if you ask me.  I truly believe a day as such should occur once a month.  I am no doctor, in fact, I’m not even that smart, but I have to believe that there are some definite therapeutic benefits for humans to wake up early, head to the bar and drink the entire day away, fully clad in green outifts, singing, dancing, fighting, and finally (what we will call “attempts” at) doing it. 

 After browsing through my camera looking at the drunken debauchery that transpired Saturday, I liked the pictures a lot.  Because they are crooked, ugly, dirty, and we all look like pale pieces of shit.  My problem with MySpace, and Facebook (other than the hours I waste stalking) is that these sites encourage the posting of pictures, so you get all of these “posed drunken pictures.”  OOOhhhh, you got a gin and tonic in your hand and your tongues hanging out…you’re so zany!  Oh my God, your almost falling out of your chair, but you didn’t spill your drink, you are WILD!  Fuck you is what I say to these people (mostly girls) who set-up their pictures to ensure the  appearance of a lot of fun and drunkeness.  When you see pictures of me throwing empty White Russians glasses on the bar floor, staring creepily at poor young ladies, and pulling my weener out while weeping, I can guarantee you 100% accuracy of those events taking place.

The Revolution continues. Poor chap.

Eat it punter.

This could not be more perfect.